This book has been on my list ever since I heard about author Ayelet Waldman's controverial Modern Love essay in the New York Times (I still have not read it), in which she wrote that she loves her husband more than she loves her kids. It landed her on Oprah, on the set of which she was reportedly almost attacked by an audience member, so strong was the sentiment against her. She also grew up in Ridgewood, NJ, where I live. I have to admit, that piqued my curiosity. Finally, after hearing first her husband, writer Michael Chabon, and then Waldman herself interviewed on WNYC's The Leonard Lopate show, I decided "Alright already!" and moved her book to the top of my list. Now that I know how to correctly pronounce her name (I-yell-it), I can talk about her with confidence.

Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace is a set of 18 essays about being a mother, wife, daughter and woman. Each one stands alone, but as a series, they crescendo towards the conclusion that there are many ways to mother, that we all make mistakes, that we all judge without fully understanding, and that we all need to cut ourselves and each other some slack. The essays are filled with big highs and lows, as well as the mundane stuff of life in between. Waldman covers everything from her girlhood to her marriage, from her feminism to her maternalism, from living with bipolar disorder to having an abortion, from her mother-in-law to her children, and much, much, more.

I found Waldman's essays both very funny and heartwrenching, and filled with truths. I definitely recognized myself in them--as both the judger and the judged. I felt ashamed at the times when I have made other mothers into "bogeymamas" (Waldman's word). I felt defensive when she seemed to be judging me, who genuinely enjoyed day after day of Music Together, library story hour, and playground meetups, when my girls were little, and felt no need for a career. All in all, my spirit rallied around Waldman's thesis that the media/popular culture/society is much harder on mothers than on fathers, and women are a big part of the problem because we fail to support each other. I also felt, however, that although she is the first to admit that she married the perfect man for her, she underestimates the rarity of men who set out to be stay-at-home fathers and domestic gods. Her marriage strikes me as very unique, and not the most likely position from which to advise other women. Ditto, her home in Berkeley, CA, the mecca of progressivism and diversity.

I'm not big into celebrities, but this literary couple has captured my imagination (reportedly, they begin each work day by wandering out the back door of their Craftsman-style bungalow to their studio, where they write at a pair of back-to-back desks). I can't rest now until I've read Chabon's new book Manhood for Amateurs: The Pleasures and Regrets of a Husband, Father, and Son. I want to hear his side of the story.